Log in

No account? Create an account
Because if I have to die tonight [entries|friends|calendar]

Prescribed pills, to offset the shakes, to offset the pills you know you should take... I am alone in this bed, house and head, And she never fixes this... but at least she...

There are no raindrops on roses
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

May 8th, 2007

2 nights ago was Lag Ba Omer. Bonfire night. And... Me and 7 other girls went out to a bonfire with this group of guys that they know. And... I had my first drunk experience. Yes indeed.
I drank half a beer, 2 cups of vodka with red bull and some passionfruit liquir drink. By the time I got to the passionfruit I was already wasted so I dont know what it was. DUUUUUDE.

Holy crap. I have never felt like that before. I was talking such shit. Like, from what I remember. LOL. I have a cut on my head and I dont know how I got it. For some time I went on about amit I think. And me and my friends were going on about sex and stuff or something- talking crap, you know? And I was like, I LOOOOVE YOU;flkjr;altkj;slfkma'rtg. I remember stumbling around. I know I smoked nargilla. I remember throwing up, and then someone putting me on a chair to sleep. I remember falling down abit. Maybe alot...

Then I remember it was 5:30 and we started walking home and I took the bus and got home around 6:30 and fell into bed. So yesterday... OOOMMMGGGG. I thought I was going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie. I swear, the room was spinning. I thought I was going to puke my brains out- I didnt though. And my clothes stank of lemon nargilla which made me feel even sicker... Ohhh dude just thinking about it makes me feel sick.  SEEE I told you I would tell you when I did nargilla.

But hell, It was FUUN. SO MUCH FUN. I just LOST IT. I remeber laughing alot too. And I am so lucky I had my friends with me. They took care of me, made sure i was okay. And thank g-d they were decent guys, cuz I know there was a point where I was so dead something could have happened. Thats really scary actually. Its so wierd that I dont remember anything too. But I know I was careful and Im not an idiot so I would never drink alone or anything. So yes. i have had a first.

 WOOOW. It was awesome.

Ummm, what else? Amit doesnt like me. My friend talked to him without saying my name, and he says he doesnt want a girlfriend. SO F%^%@$ him. No, not really. It hurts.

Apparantly he was also drunk.


I got 100% in a maths test.

I am hell scared for next year. 

What about you guys? I miss my F-list.

Pulling the trigger (8) All wrong

Angels can save you [Tuesday
April 10th, 2007
[ mood | touched ]

Isn't it funny how when you are just about to give up on all human kind, something comes along and changes your mind?

Everything is in the shitter. But I am not going to talk about that now. I will talk about that another post. I am going to talk about what just happened. Because it just restored my faith in… well, everything, I believe.

Like I said everything is in the shitter. So I was in my room thinking about… well, everything. And in comes Shimon- a 23 year old guy selling newspaper subscriptions. He comes in and sits down. Doesn’t comment on the state of the place. Gives us the biggest smile and starts. All the talk of the newspapers and stuff. But something, something is different.

After we have heard it all, he finds out we don’t have an Israeli bank account yet, and therefore can’t purchase anything. Does he get up and run away? No. He stayed and talked with us for about 2 hours. Knowing full well he wasn’t getting any money from it, or anything. But he stayed.

He told me stories of his life. He is the most positive person I think I have ever met. He told me how money comes and money goes, but life is every day and you can’t only think about the money. He told me to live everyday. He told me how his dad died when he was young, his mum raised him and his 3 siblings alone, how now she has what sounds like MS. How he bought her a $1000 dining table for Passover. How he visits his Gran every day, and is afraid to go overseas should she die.

He told me stories of how he got out of bad situations by using his brain. This story-

A farmer in Scotland had 2 sons in jail for theft. He had to dig his potato field, but his horse had just died. So he asked his first son to try get out on parole to help him. But he couldn’t. Then he asked his second son. This son wrote back saying he would try, but not to dig the field because he had buried all the things he had stolen in the field. The next day, Scotland Yard police came and dug up the whole field. They found nothing- Yet the son had done his job- gotten his fathers field dug.

He told me… I don’t even know what. Just everything about him, the way he lives, and the way he IS. Just… blew me away. I don’t think I ever met anyone like him. Just the fact that he stayed, and he knew he wasn’t getting anything from it but a chat. He said he loved his work because he meets everyone- once he met a poor old woman. It was her birthday but no one came to visit. So he baked her cookies. He took an hour in which he could be making more money to give some happiness to a lonely old woman.

He restored my faith, my hope, my everything. Just like that. Isn’t it amazing how people can change your life, without even realizing it? Isn’t it scary to think, what if we hadn’t opened the door? What if I had gone out and never met him?

Maybe he was an angel. I don’t know. But

Magic happened here tonight.

Pulling the trigger (3) All wrong

How To Save A Life [Monday
February 19th, 2007
[ mood | worried ]

Hey everyone.
I know its been forever since I posted. I write that at the beginning of every entry don't I? Well not anymore. I am making livejournal a regular thing again. I forgot how good it was for me. And it was good for me. Even if people don't always post, it still gives me somewhere to vent, I suppose.

I am indeed here in Israel. I am indeed here struggling with a new language. And I am, indeed, trying to keep a handle on things. Making friends is hard. Keeping them is harder. Its even harder when you speak foreign languages. Is 4 months too long? I don't know. I have friends. But I don't have friends like those people on myspace do. Not yet anyway. I guess I have time.

Maybe I just have to learn to stop comparing. I compare everything. 

I am really pissed I don't have photoshop. Graphic design is my passion and I can't do it. Darn. I want to make "The Office" icons. Its my new fandom, btw.

I know there are quite a few people here who like the song, How To Save A Life. But if you haven't seen the video, watch it now. 
I don't know if that "Embed media" thingy works. So we will see.

I still am obsessed with like a guy. Amit Kedem Weitzmann. Or AKW as my books that I've doodled all over know him. 

But you know what? I think I am okay. 


Pulling the trigger (10) All wrong

Lets waste time // Chasing Cars // Around our heads [Thursday
November 30th, 2006
[ mood | contemplative ]

I cannot believe how long it has been since I updated. I am a terrible person.
What has happened? I have gotten settled into school, I suppose... I still have to learn to be patiant! I have made friends and stuff, but am still trying to break into the friendships, you know? You probably don't know because I speak like a crazy person! But anywho.
I am kind of liking someone at the moment, who goes by the name of Amit. And it is more then like. He is so amazing... Grar. I suck at boys. And I think it is lame to ask for advice. But... help? Hee. 
I am lame
I have, like, nothing to write. Because I am so boring.
But I suppose I should be grateful. I saw an old ep of Dr Phil yesterday, (yes, I like Dr Phil) and it was about the Hurricane Katrina, and it is so sad. It makes my stupid thoughts about being "popular" seem so insignificant. The first thing I told my dad after seeing that was "I love you". I don' t think people say it enough.
I got a new phone! Hurrah! For my birthday, any early prezzie. It is the pink motorolla Razr. Wheee! I have never had a cool phone, and it is fun!
It is SO different here. My school is HUGE. HUGE. People are different- there is not such thing as a line for a bus, either- you push or you stand. But I like it. I hope people like me.
I have mems because I am bored. 
I Loves you guys!!!

Comment, and I will give you a letter. List ten things that you love that starts with that letter and briefly explain why.


Pulling the trigger (8) All wrong

. . . And sometimes you close your eyes / / And see the place where you used to live . . . [Monday
October 30th, 2006
[ mood | nostalgic ]

OMG My awesome F-list, I cannot believe how long it has been since I updated last. I hope you haven't forgotten me, but I won't blame you if you have!

I am indeed here in Israel. I live in Chedera, in an apartment. I have gone to school, which was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do... I have been at the same school since age 3. But I started. And it was good, surprisingly. People are really friendly and nice, and they find it amazing that I come from Australia. They are used to immigrants from Russia and stuff, but I am special =) 
They are also amazed at my reading and english speaking. Coolio. I have only been here a week, so hopefully it will all turn out okay... Still scary. 
My biggest patient is that I am inpatient. I am just scared I will end up the stupid loner with no friends... but just breathe Jodi. Still only a week. *breathes*
I have also become friends with a family relative- I think she is my dads cousins daughter. Or something. But she is so amazing and nice, so it is cool. Friends outside of school = yay
The language thing is kind of hard. Can you believe MATHS is one of the only things I understand? Could be because I have done what we are doing already, but still! I have lots of hebrew lessons, and I can have a conversation. Its actually pretty funny. The only problem is classes- I just don't know whats going on. But oh well.
Okay. So yes. It feels kind of good to be here. Its the home country, I guess.

Um. I don't know. I guess you would assume there would be more news, but its all kind of settling down. I have reading reccomendations- Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson and Milkweed by Jerry Spinelli. Both are just... Wow.
And songs on my mind include everything by Panic! At the Disco, When You Were Young by the Killers, The Black Parade, by My Chemical Romance and, surprisingly, Hurts, by Christina. I haven't heard her for ages, but seriously, I cannot hear this song and not cry. Wow. So good.

A quick question for my House friends. What is the best way to download? Limewire, or like, a community here?

I miss Australia more then I thought I would. Everytime I hear a refrence, I think of it. And I miss my friends. And I miss my sister the most. sometimes I will see or hear something that reminds me of her and I get a big lump in my throat that I have to swallow. Buh.

I want news my friends! I am so sorry I haven't been on lately to reply to your awesome lives. But unpacking is HARD. I miss you guys. 

LOADS OF TEH LOVE               

Pulling the trigger (9) All wrong

I'm leaving on a jet place / / Dont know when I'll be back again [Thursday
October 12th, 2006
[ mood | tired ]

Hi my awesome F-list. Just wanted to let you know I got to Israel safely. You will now see in my user info that it no longer says Location- Australia. Go look. The flight was hell, but its over now so good. 27 frikkin hours. Jeez I am never doing that again. So far I have mostly slept. My family is all awesome and my baby cousin is the cutest thing in the world. We finally bought a new digital camera so I will post pictures. Sorry I havent really been commenting- I hardly get the chance to come on the computer, but once I get settled I will be spamming you guys again! 
I have cried a bit, well a lot. I am no good with change and I miss my sister alot. But I am good most of the time :)
On Monday I go check out the different schools so wish me luck! 
Love all you guys.

Pulling the trigger (12) All wrong

October 4th, 2006
[ mood | stressed ]

Hey guys. Big news. I'm leaving on Tuesday... Jeez. I have no idea how to feel. I'm like, happy but... It is so huge and I don't know what to do. I feel a panic attack comming on. Buh.

Pulling the trigger (19) All wrong

At least she helps me forget [Tuesday
September 26th, 2006
[ mood | discontent ]

Hi my very dear F-list. 

Today has certainly been quite a day. as missymeggins already knows, a friend of mine went to Hong Kong today. And she won't be back before I leave, so it was our last day together. Lots of tears. And it was my last drama lesson, so, to my utter surprise, all my awesome friends and my amazing teacher went around in a circle and said something about me. So, then, of course, I burst into tears. And then later tonight, I had a bit of a fight with my dad so I put on my music super loud and... yes, you guessed it. Cried.

But I feel better now. So its all good =) 

Maths test tomorrow and science test the next day. I seriously tried studying. Seriously. But, I figure, if I have to learn it in a whole new language anyway, whats the point? And maybe the fact that I don't understand a word of it added a little something too. But only maybe. I conclusion my maths- CO-ORDINATE GEOMETRY MUST DIE.

As must channel ten. I mean, they give us Forever, which was such an unbelievable episode, and now they give us a bloody repeat. Don't get me wrong, Love Hurts is a brilliant episode, but... COME ON!!!

I really really really want to go see The Devil Wears Prada. 'Cuz I read the book and it was awesome. So fingers crossed for the movie. 

Nothing much interesting really. Will keep you updated on the Israel thing. 
Loves you's. ♥

Pulling the trigger (4) All wrong

Where is my mind? [Wednesday
September 20th, 2006
[ mood | Confusion ]

Hi my wonderful F-list. Quite a bit has happened. Well, lets just get it out. I'm moving to Israel. Yes, there it is. If you don't know the story, well, basically, we moved to Israel, it didn‘t work out but it was always planned we would go back eventually. And now I'm going back. In like, a month. My dad is not exactly… organized, if you can say that. Crazy. Crazy stuff. I told all my friends today, and it was hard. A few tears. If you have ever moved before, you will know. If not... Well. I don't know. This just feels so hard... I am so torn. I so badly want to be in Israel, but... I will miss everyone so much! *cries*. But luckily, I can still use LJ. I’m not going anywhere, internet-wise. *sigh* More on that when I actually know information.

On another note… HOUSE WAS SO UNBELIEVABLE TONIGHT, LIKE WOAH. I cried. Babies really get to me. And House running was… woah. I know I haven’t been participating in discussion much, but I just can’t stay up too late anymore. Stupid school.

Tests? Maths- 66%. Hurrah. Jewish studies- 100%. Holy dude. Hebrew- 96%. I really have to learn that language better…

Oh, and I entered a writing competition, and they didn’t say who won, but they did give me an opportunity to get published. I’m not sure if everyone gets that, so I don’t know if its an achievement or not… Oh well.

Bah. House made me sad. Babies shouldn’t die. Its not fair.

Anywho. Love youse guys.

Pulling the trigger (5) All wrong

Meme because I am bored [Sunday
September 10th, 2006
[ mood | bored ]

Meme stolen from summer_wolf

Pulling the trigger (1) All wrong

How to fight loneliness, Smile all the time [Sunday
September 3rd, 2006
[ mood | stressed ]

I am sick. Ew. Is it just me, or is everyone sick? Maybe LJ spreads colds. 0_o
But seriously, I had a cold for 3 days and now I am left with this cough and chest pain that won't go away. Driving me nuts. I am going to the doctor tomorrow, so lets just see how that goes.

I have a maths test tomorrow that I haven't studied for, and that smokey_eyeliner knows all about already. Huzzuh. *sarcasm* It seems like I have a maths test all the time. DIE TEACHERS. DIE.

I watched Girl, Interrupted last night. Is that like the best movie in the world, or what?
And I saw Thankyou For Smoking today. It was so good! Very funny, and different. I reccomend it very muchly.

Anywho, school tomorrow. *dies* I don't think I can handle it. GRAR.
Nighty night. xoxo
Pulling the trigger (14) All wrong

I hope you had the time of your life [Monday
August 28th, 2006
[ mood | content ]

HELLO! I am back from camp! And I officially had one of the greatest times of my life. It was just so unbelievably amazing, I can hardly describe it. This was Jewish Studies camp, which you only get to go to in year 9, 10 and 11, so this was our first time, and it just blew us all away.

We had the most amazing leaders, half of them from Israel so they were so inspirational and awesome. After lunch and dinner we had a session called Ruach, which means spirit, which is where we would all stand on chairs in a circle and just sing and dance and go wild. Unbelievable. We had discussion sessions and creative arts. The food was really good, which is surprising for camp. I adored my cabin. And the main thing is, I just did not hold back. And I had an amazing time.
We had something called army night, where the leaders dressed in their army gear with black stuff on their faces and we were new to the army. We had to crawl through sand, carry the "wounded", and our enenemy was, of course, the boys! It was just so much fun, but really tiring.

Then came Friday, or the Sabbath. Lol. It was amazing, because we all kept it and the spirit was just so high, and there were plays and dancing and stuff. And Saturday was where everything just let loose.

See, when Shabbat ends we have Havdallah. And one honour on JS camp is to hold the Havdallah candle and stand in the middle of the circle on a chair- and I got to do it. Everyone was crying, and then they turned out the light and we all sang the prayer and it was just so beautiful so I started crying. There was hugging and stuff, but I just couldn't stop. Then I kind of had a spur of the moment decision. I pulled Rachelle aside- now, incase you don't know, Rachelle used to be my best friend before I went to Israel, and then when I came back she had totally moved on from me and my other friend- we had been a three- and we are not friends anymore. So I pulled her aside, and we are both crying and I tell her that I miss her, and it is just like a huge weight off my shoulder. She tells me she is so happy I did that because she hadn't been brave enough to and that she missed me too. And it was just so amazing.

Then we saw videos of the leaders lives in Israel, and one of them told us that just before they had left they had been called to the army to fight as a reserve. And they had to decide whether to come and fulfill what they promised in Australia, or stay and fight. And it was so hard, because all their friends and stuff were fighting. But they came to us. It was just so moving. And then they showed us a video of Israel and I, ofcourse, started crying again. Then there was dinner, and our final Ruach session which was HUGE. Finally there was dessert and kareoke! We only got to bed at about 2 in the morning. Amazing.

Finally we left, and it was so sad. I MISS IT LIKE CRAZY!

Anywho, now I am sick so I stayed home from school. But I just had the most awesome and amazing time. And when I got back, my dad was feeling better, which really made me happy. 
And now for some pictures, and there will hopefully be more when other people put more up, because I was too stupid to bring a camera.

Love you guys, and missed you! xoxo
Pulling the trigger (6) All wrong

The havens bowed before him [Tuesday
August 22nd, 2006
[ mood | excited ]

Hello! I am very excited because I am going on camp tomorrow. Off to Crosslands. I really hope it will be a good time. But I will miss you, LJ!

Not a hell of a lot to say, except bye bye, don't have too much fun without me and that you guys are all awesomenss and I will miss you! *See* you on Sunday, when I return!

</end pointless post>

x ♥ x ♥ x

Pulling the trigger (6) All wrong

I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying. [Tuesday
August 15th, 2006
[ mood | stressed ]

Hello All! I cannot believe how long it has been since my past update. Sad, really.

But I have an excuse- I am actually buried in work. Its pathetic. The teachers give us nothing the first two weeks of term, and then suddenly- WHAM! we have 5 projects and 2 tests in one week. They are screwed in the brain. Science test tomorrow and here I am on LJ instead of studying. Man, I am good. NOT. And an english test Thursday. Kill me now.

But, in good news, I got 85% on my maths test! Thats the best mark I got all year, if not all my life. For the first time, I beat my class average. Hurruh!
... But in not so good news, we are now doing co-ordinate geometry. Yea. I don't know what it is either.

So far I have earned 90 bucks babysitting, and i have another job tonight. Score! 

I am now obsessed with Coldplay and Panic! at the disco. And meg, I downloaded some PJ Harvey and she is great too- I especially love This mess we're in. I am currently trying to get into snow patrol. Oh, and I adore Miss Murder by AFI. I saw them perform on the MTV Movie Awards, and they are pretty awesome. I &hearts; new bands!

Well, as you can see, my life is extremely boring. The only truly bad thing is whats happening in Israel. It really interrupts my life, thinking about it all the time. *sigh* This world needs a serious scrub down. With moisterising Dettol handwash.
... Yes, I am crazy. Don't worry, I already know. But feel free to inform me once more, if you wish!


Pulling the trigger (9) All wrong

When you love someone but it goes to waste... [Saturday
August 5th, 2006
[ mood | crushed ]

Not in the greatest mood. not in a good mood at all actually. 

Tom is dating Ashley. I know, I know. I am a total loser. there are wars and suffering in the world and all i can think about are my stupid insignificant teen problems. well, i care about all the other stuff to. in fact, im driving myself insane worrying about it all. 

but i cant help it. I KNEW he liked her, and that she liked him, and they would get together. yet, because i am a stupid idiot, i wouldnt let it go. so now I'm paying the price. i got home the other night and cried my eyes out, and now whenever i listen to "Fix You" by Coldplay i cry. 


gah. cant even write anymore. hopefully tomorrow will be better. here are mems, because i need SOMETHING else to do.


Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.
stolen from xprincesskatyx

01. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
02. I respond by asking you five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.
03. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

these are my questions from missymeggins
1. What's your favourite book?
2. Your happiest childhood memory?
3. If you could meet ANY ONE person who would it be?
4. What do you want to do most in life?
5. What is your most favurite food? 

Pulling the trigger (14) All wrong

WOW! [Thursday
July 27th, 2006
[ mood | surprised ]

WOW! i have just learnt that i can use polls! without even having a paid account! how exciting! i thought, to get in the spirit, i would post a poll.

Read more...Collapse )

*sigh* if i start talking now, i wont stop rambling. so i dont think i should start. okay. one thing.
okay. over. sorry about that.

anywho, everything is rather boring with me. so i will post again soon. just know that i love you all! and i am sending all my love to my awesome F-list. because you rock.

Pulling the trigger (2) All wrong

I'm coming to find you if it takes me all night... [Tuesday
July 25th, 2006
[ mood | In love ]

I have been back at school a week and I am already dead. dude, i need to get more sleep. livejournal, how you destroy my sleeping patterns- its terrible.

so i got my history project back. 48/50. yay! and we should be getting our reports any day now.

I'm doing surds in maths. and i hate it with a very large passion.

okay- who watched SVU last night? that was so, so, so, so, so unbelievably sick. i mean- INCEST IS JUST SICK. PERIOD. i was like, vomitting in the middle of the show.

my mood has been going crazy these days. sometimes i feel like utter crap and others, i feel great. i think i am starting to piss people off with my opinion about the whole Israel thing. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

today was... strange. I was opening my WOODEN locker, when Garren, a guy in my class, smashes TOM into my locker. while my finger is in the door. so my finger got smashed into the door, and felt like it was going to fall off. and so Tom gets to his knees and is fully gushing over it and touching my hand and is all like "Jodi I am so sorry, are you okay? Im so sorry..." and I'm there with my finger feeling like i just shoved it into hot coals, and all i do is laugh and say its fine, its all good, im okay. because I'm like, dying right there.

and so later he comes up and hes like, "I'm so sorry again, is it okay" and i tell him its fine. and Annie gives him a hug and tells him how nice he is. so i do too. first hug. and then at the end of the day, while I am waiting for the bus with him, we say goodbye and he hugs me again. and i know i probably sound like a terribly annoying teeny bopperish loser right now. but i cant help it. because he is the greatest hugger.

Okay. no more talking from me. before i bore you all to death. xoxo goooood night.

Pulling the trigger (8) All wrong

Rule number one- Dont propose to a girl on a bus [Monday
July 3rd, 2006
[ mood | excited ]

hi everyone! how are you all?
i finished school for the term! im so happy! i seriously need a break- im so tired. i need time to make icons and read fanfic. and you know, have a life on the side ;)
i got english exam back- 82%. Im pretty happy. i usually do better in english, but still, im happy.
im doing biology in science, and im actually enjoying it *shock horror* i know. its just, disease is so much more interesting that electron configeration. *shudder*

BAH! enough about school! well maybe just a bit- Tom gave me this massive hug on the last day. *sigh* im such a freak.

anyway. last night, i had a friends party and i slept at her with two other girls. it was really fun. this is like, my best friend, so it was great. i watched high school musical. proud of me? it was pretty good. but my friend had the sound track and the words, so i had good fun imitating them. lol.
and today, I watched Walk the Line. Oh. my. gosh. like, seriously? BEST. MOVIE. EVER. like, WOAH. i am so obsessed. *points to icon* you MUST see it.

im so excited. tomorrow, im going to the blue mountains with Alice. its so exciting! i like, never go away. and im so happy she invited me. hee. so i wont be around for two days! *cries* i shall miss you all very muchly.

anywho. i think its time to go. love you all very much! *squishes f-list*

Pulling the trigger (6) All wrong

House/Cameron comic! [Sunday
June 25th, 2006
[ mood | creative ]

Hi everyone! I have made a house/cameron comic with the southpark-ish graphics.
there are no spoilers- AU!
perhaps PG-13
be warned- very, very random!

Read more...Collapse )

Pulling the trigger (1) All wrong

MEM... because im bored [Friday
June 23rd, 2006
[ mood | bored ]

Pulling the trigger (1) All wrong

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]